


Alvin and the Psychopath

by gay4holtzmann



Category: Love on a Leash
Genre: Dogboys & Doggirls, Drama & Romance, F/M, Love on a Leash - Freeform, Mental Breakdown, Mental Institutions, Mint Ice Cream, Princes & Princesses, Rihanna - Freeform, Romance, Shrek References, Weredog, bitches be crazy, green - Freeform, jagomir, shrek christmas special, vagene bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-06-22 09:11:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15578538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gay4holtzmann/pseuds/gay4holtzmann
Summary: Dedicated to the beautiful creators of Love on a Leash, a film that will be remembered beyond our time.





	Alvin and the Psychopath

Jana was laying on her vagene-shaped bed staring up at the moon, whose color was that of a lettuce leaf because of her green-tinted windows. Why are they green, you ask. Was she a fish in a dirty bowl? Was she The Lettuce? Was Shrek her personal interior designer? No. That bitch just likes green. There was even one summer in her youth when she ingested so many wasabi smoothies that even her teeth were green. This was not accidental.  
Beside her lay Prince aka Alvin Flang aka the reverse weredog. Although during the day he was a Golden Retriever, during the night he drooled like a St. Bernard. This however did not disgust Jana. In fact, she was mesmerized. Transfixed almost. If she hadn't been distracted by the moon's green glow she would have been staring at her drooling lover for hours. At the moment, she was too busy thinking of how much the moon resembled Rihanna's face this night.  
She got up and pressed her face to the glass like a kid looking in a candy shop. When will Rihanna release her new album, she wondered. She promised one song would be entitled Green. She just had to know. The curiosity was driving her mad and leaving her sleepless.  
Alvin Flang rolled onto his side and with it came his drool, flicking all around the room ending up on Jana's earlobe. She flinched and turned around, her pupils dilating much like a cat's.  
"Alvin!" she gasped. He mumbled something about Monopoly™ as his eyes flickered open.  
"You wot?!" he said in a horse voice.  
"You spit on me AGAIN Prince!" she cried. She wept. She fell to the floor in emotional agony, grasping at the grass-green shag carpeting that covered her whole apartment.  
"My cherie bonbon!" he howled (ehhhhhhh) jumping to his feet and to her aid.  
"Don't touch me! You may be called Prince, but you are not MY Prince!" she hwailed.  
Alvin gasped and clutched his heart in anguish. "Whatever do you mean my love? I thought I was your one and only! The whipped cream to your cherie bonbon!!", his tears now mixing with the partly-dried drool on his face.  
"No!" she screamed ever so quietly, swinging her hands wildly and hitting the wall. The brute force of the impact shook the wall, making her favorite broccoli painting plummet to the ground.  
"NOOOOOOOO!" she screamed even louder, falling to her knees.  
"My love, please!" Alvin shouted, embracing her. "Would you like me to see if Jagomir has free rooms again? Maybe you just need a brake."  
"Don't tell me what I need Alvin!" She jumped to her feet, tripping and falling onto her bed. "I can't go back there again. There is no greeeeeeeen!"  
Alvin knew just what to do in situations like this, like last time when she saw Dipsy on TV. He hurriedly turned on the TV and DVD player and, working as fast he could, he searched for the Shrek Christmas Special.  
"Yeeeeeeet!" he screamed as he found it holding it up like that grand moment in The lion King when Rafiki held Simba over a cliff. He dove for the TV.  
"ALVINNNNNNNNNNNNN!" Jana screamed from the bed as she threw the biggest temper tantrum known to man. Clawing at the sheets, screaming into the pillows and kicking the headboard in fury. Alvin realized he was running out of time, and if he didn't stop her soon she would destroy the vagene. He plunged the DVD into the slot and turned it on. As soon as Jana heard the sweet sounds of Smash Mouth she froze. Her head slowly turnin' like an owl's. Peering over her shoulder she stared at the screen with the same gusto that she had been staring at the moon with.  
Alvin sighed in relief, crossed himself and recited a sura. "Thank Cthulhu", he gasped faceplanting into the bed.  
He went to the kitchen to get her favorite mint ice cream, which was only for her, considering the fact, that dogs, do not, like mint. He snuggled up to her and mentally prepared himself to watch the Shrek Christmas Special for the 159th time.  
On this night Jana did not go to Jagomir.

**Author's Note:**

> If you haven't watched Love on a Leash for the love of God do it.


End file.
